Why "wellbeing"s more than a buzzword
What I learned from my grandmother about being well
“R u ok?”
Since when did we start asking this?
The new greeting that we’re advised to follow up on our usual “How ya doing?”
Since it became very possible that the person in front of you isn’t faring well.
Research is in. The stats, after all, don’t lie.
And say that of all adults in the US, in any given year:
7.1% experience a major depressive episode
18.1% experience an anxiety disorder
20.6% experience some form of mental disorder
Of adolescents in the US in any given year, 13.3% have had at least one major depressive episode.
Let’s be clear for any non-US readers. These US figures are higher than the global average, often twice as much.
But the trend is rising steeply.
So, think about it.
Wellbeing is currently not enjoyed by 1 in 5 of our friends and family.
And my question is, “Was it always like this?”
When I reflect on times with my grandparents, I don’t recall much discussion about mental health.
Yes, we heard about WW1 veterans still suffering from “shellshock.” (This would likely be diagnosed as PTSD now).
And there was mention of people struggling with “the drink” or spending too much on “the horses.”
And this generation were not strangers to struggle.
They experienced food rationing.
They had friends who enlisted and died in a war on the other side of the world.
This generation lived through the Depression.
They saw men with swags coming to the back door for a handout.
And they felt lucky if they could help them out with butter or eggs.
This generation learned that life can knock you about big time.
When their stories were shared with us, a life lesson was attached. Value food, never waste, and give freely when you can.
Kindness, generosity, and being alert to the needs of the community.
What I don’t recall in any story was:
Pity
Judgement
Blame
There was an unspoken message that some people were doing it tough, but, for the most part, you chipped in, held together, and people were okay.
So how did they maintain balance and safeguard their wellbeing?
They were prepared for loss.
They knew uncertainty.
They adjusted their expectations to what they saw was possible.
They held on to what made sense to them. Whether that was family, faith, work, or community.
I certainly saw all this in my elders.
They didn’t hold many illusions about how cruel people could be with each other or how the world could turn bad quickly.
So they savoured what was significant to them.
Being on time to work.
Being courteous to customers.
Doing your best at whatever you try.
A day off work to play tennis.
A family picnic at the beach (in your suit!)
A walk to the local greengrocer to pick up peaches for a fruit salad.
A drink to celebrate a new grandchild or football win.
A crossword or game of gin rummy in the evening.
Daily life was
Simple
Repetitive
Routine
Familiar
Local
Active
Amongst friends and family
And this led to wellbeing.
Which I saw in my grandmother whenever I visited her.
So, is a grandmother’s day so different now?
Well, I don’t remember my grandmother ever multitasking. She had one quiet focus.
The only exception may have been chatting with a friend while ironing.
Did she worry about her health? I never heard that, although living to 98 she must have had challenges.
Was she concerned for her children’s future?
Maybe she pondered the perils of television (as social media was not yet invented) or the state of international politics.
She certainly cared well for everyone in her realm—her husband, her children, her grandchildren, her friends, her home. The fact that they were well and happy was satisfying.
As far as I can see, this generation experienced a lot in their youth. That experience taught them the value of balance, resilience, and simplicity in their later years.
It gave them wellbeing.
Now I am the age she was when I watched her stir the old copper (for the uninitiated, it was used for heating water for washing clothes).
And I ask myself, “Would living her life bring me wellbeing?”
Probably not.
I’d miss
swimming
shopping online
having a driver’s licence
travelling overseas alone
having my own bank account
riding a retro bicycle around town
and the choice, agency, and freedom that 2024 allows a woman in a developed country.
But I’d happily bring more of her calm, unfettered presence into my days. A quiet contentment, that characterises wellbeing in my book.
And to do that, I’d need to up my game in these four areas of life.
Family
Health
Friends
Purpose
By chance, as I wrote this, I came across a new book by Harvard professor Arthur C. Brooks and Oprah Winfrey. “Build the Life You Want: The Art and Science of Getting Happier” distils research on happiness and comes to the same conclusion.
The research found that the four main drivers of happiness are
Family
Faith
Friends
Work that serves people
And describes how these are all in crisis in America, leading to growing unhappiness, especially in the younger generations.
And a decline in wellbeing.
Which starts to explain the frightening statistics on mental health.
These are big topics and I’m eager to explore them further in future posts. (And how faith and purpose, health and work relate to each other.)
For now, I encourage you to think about your wellbeing and how strong are your pillars of happiness.
And remember to ask someone “R U OK?” if it seems needed.
It very likely is.
Please feel free to share your thoughts in the comments.
I read and reply to each one.